I am speechless, yet I want to say so much. This ad appeared in the paper and I couldn’t figure out if they were being serious or if it was a joke.

TEXT: SAB is the World's No. 1* comedy channel. * In terms of no. of hours of original comedy programming in a year. Comedy shows have always been a weekly affair across the world, including India. Yet, most comedy shows in the past have not crossed 52 episodes in a year. SAB makes 200 episodes of some of the most loved comedies in India, each year. And some of your favourite SAB shows have achieved incredible milestones while entertaining you over the last few years.. helping make SAB the World's No. 1 Comedy Channel.

For someone like me, for whom both comedy & television bring out so many emotions, it was surreal. Is this ad for real? I am a lifelong student of comedy. And television is something so dear to me. TV shows have a power that movies don’t – you get attached to TV shows. And then I see this ad in the paper. I actually rolled the page into a ball, drew a face on the ball and then punched that face in the face.

I created Company Bahadur because of this pathetic mentality by the TV channels. I would see great American & British sitcoms and then would see some real shitty content on Indian channels and would think – we ought to be better than this. Look at the smug sons of bitches – “We make 200 episodes of each show.” Look how they are advertising the 800 episodes of that shitty, shitty show. World’s No. 1. I still can’t believe they had the gall to advertise that they make a lot of retarded hunk of garbage.

“Look at us – We are the best because we make so much shit and then drown you into that steaming, stinking river of shit. We are the best in the world. Most comedy shows don’t cross 52 in a year.” That’s right idiots. They don’t even cross 24 (in the US and now many are switching to 10 or 13 episodes) or 6 (in the UK). It’s called a season. Read up. Why do they have seasons? Well, to maintain quality, dipshits. They make a show for 6 months and then take a goddamn break. Writers start suffering from something called fatigue. Viewers get fatigue, too. Congratulations on your 800 episodes morons. Fawlty Towers ran for two seasons of 6 episodes each. 12 episodes. 12 episodes, dammit. Are you telling me your 800 episode show is better than that epic of epic epicness? In those 12 episodes they showed more character traits, chemistry between characters and good ol’ awesomeness than your retarded show with a bazillion shittisodes. Go to Wikipedia and read up on Basil Fawlty – the main character, and see how rich that character is. How much depth they put in just 12 episodes.

“Oh, we make 800 episodes.” Yeah, assholes? Have you heard of something called longevity? Have you heard of something called Shelf Life? Once you finish up with your shitty show (or if you) in the year 2015 – please do – you are done. Your show is done. Suppose someone says – “Dude, I used to watch this show on SAB TV. I wish I could re-watch it. Maybe with my kids. It would be nostalgic.” Try making that happen, freaks. How many episodes would you have made by then, like 1600? Make a DVD box-set. You might then want to let people purchase a truck on checkout to carry around all that shit. Of course, it’s another matter that the trivial, frivolous trash that you generate can by no means be rendered a classic, ever. And no one wants to engage in repeat viewings of your garbage.

“We are the World’s No. 1.”
“How?”
“Oh, just a stupid criteria we came with 6 minutes ago. We are totally retarded.”
“What criteria?”
“That we are the best because we make so many shitty episodes of our shitty shows.”
“That makes no sense. What about the whole quantity vs. quality thing?”
“Quantity vs. qua.. what?”
“Quality.”
“Quala.. quali.. what is that? Is that a real word?”

You know, by their logic, cows are better than humans because cows shit a lot and they shit all over the place. And you don’t have to count – shit appears 13 times in this post. Oh, 14 now.

PS: I would like to include my Man-eater Theory of Television Programming here. I first proposed it many many years ago but here it is in flesh & blood.

Pratik Arora’s Man-eater Theory of Television Programming
When a lion tastes human blood for the first time, he can not go back to a regular rabbit/deer diet. From then on, he needs human flesh. He was happy with rabbits and deers before because he was unaware of the delicacy that human flesh is.

So that’s the analogy. People continue watching horrible shows on SAB and other channels because they have not been exposed to the delicacy that quality programming is. Once they relish the taste of exquisitely produced shows they would not go back. Until then, 800 episodes of shitty TV it is. Oh, that’s 15.